Canadian Border Patrol Booth (after asking standard border questions): "Mr. Matthews, what is the relationship between you and Ms. McOwen?"
Me: "Friends. I mean, she's an actress so I really need more stability in my life. She's great, but I need a woman with full health benefits." (C'mon, that question is pleading for a humorous response).
Canadian Border Patrol Booth: (no smile) "Sir, can you pull your car up behind the booth."
Me: "I don't think she thought that was funny" (as I pull car around and am greeted by fully-armed officers)
Canadian Border Patrol: (20 minute search through journals and flipping through digital camera pics as we stood in front of car)
Canadian Border Patrol: "Is this yours?" (holding a firework that was in the trunk)
Rachael: "Whoops, yeah, I forgot that was there. Can we throw it away?"
Canadian Border Patrol: "No! You can't just THROW this away! Come with me."
Mike/Rachael: (taken into holding office with 20 other exhausted tourists to wait 2 hours followed by individual questions about, once again, their relationship and what they do for a living in detail)
Canadian Border Patrol: "OK, please get in your car, take this firework and denial slip back into the U.S."
Rachael: "What? 3 hours of this, all we want to see is Niagara Falls for 10 minutes"
Mike: "Rach, we can't fight this anymore, let's go back to America. Hey, we made it 10 feet in."
U.S. Border Patrol (after giving him the denial slip and showing the firework): "HA! That's hilarious! Those guys are ridiculous."
Mike: "I promised you Falls, let's go see it on the American side. The view is not as cool, but the humor is."
What I learned:
1. If you want a forced DTR, go to the Canadian Border
2. Actresses apparently carry fireworks
3. "Angry Birds" iPhone app game kills time
Rach